"Contemplating Bankruptcy? Don't Beat Yourself Up About It"

In December of 2008 we ended our five year financial struggle by filing Chapter 7 bankruptcy. It was a difficult decision but one that I was finally convinced would be the best solution to our problems.

We had built a house during the time when the housing boom was in full swing. The bank gave us such an enormous amount of money for the house that I wondered at the time how they could be sure we would be able to pay it back. Neither my husband nor I were making a huge amount of money. But since they gave us the money I reasoned that we probably could handle it if they thought we could.

I couldn't imagine them making a mistake in judgment because after all, they were The Bank. Banks know how to handle money, right? Well, not always.

We did fine for three years and made all payments on time but then the bottom dropped out of everything. My husband was employed by FEMA and there were no disasters that year so he didn't work. I was a foster parent and lost two girls in one month. After they left it was a few months before other girls moved in and in that length of time we had all but quit paying our bills except for utilities, car payments, gas, and food.

The phone wouldn't stop ringing and it was always creditors. Eventually I stopped answering.

So we finally and reluctantly contacted a lawyer and filed. We agreed to give up the house so it would not go into foreclosure and we were lucky to get the bank to agree to a short sale or we would have had both a foreclosure and a bankruptcy on our record. We reaffirmed the debts on our cars because we both needed them but we included all of our other debts, which were substantial.

When the house was sold, the closing contracts signed, and the bankruptcy filed, it was over and I breathed a sigh of relief. I thought I'd be sad but I wasn't. I felt light - that's the only way to describe it.

It took us a while to find a place to live. We could no longer own property but had to rent instead but even that wasn't bad. If any major repair needed to be made the owner was responsible and we weren't the owner so that was good.

We eventually had to move again because the landlord wanted to sell the house because of his own financial problems but we were able to find another house very quickly and it turned out to be a better house than the one we had left.

It's been very freeing for us to be out of debt. We still have to be careful with our money because both of our jobs have been downsized or eliminated but what I've learned is that sometimes less is better. With each move we got rid of a lot of the stuff we had and the resulting decluttering has been good.

I had been a person who liked to shop and had a tendency to do that to make myself feel better if I was upset about something. But what I learned is that I get as much satisfaction out of occasionally going to a thrift store to find bargains. And with reduced indebtedness I have not been upset so often so the urge to shop has not plagued me.

I also have learned that I can buy off-brand food and it is just as good as the name brands I was buying before. And coupons are very helpful in bringing down the grocery bill.

My husband recently had to buy a car to replace one that was totalled in an accident. I thought we would have to get a clunker because of our poor credit but that was not the case. The car we got wasn't new but it was a bargain and we were able to secure financing for it.

I love not having credit cards and paying for things as I buy them. It feels good to know that we owe no one. Nobody harrasses us for money. When the phone rings I can answer it if I want to and it won't be a creditor. I feel better than I have in years and I'm convinced it's because the size of the debt was weighing me down emotionally.

I just want to tell everyone who is contemplating bankruptcy that if you have to do it, go ahead and don't beat yourself up about it. If you were always a good person, you'll still be a good person after you file. Stuff happens and you need to know that there is life after banktuptcy.

Contributed by Linda from Missouri